I hate this

I hate that I always feel so scared. I hate that in my head I am screaming out and no one seems to get it. I hate that I live in this world of constant fear. I hate that I feel the need to cry every morning and that no matter what I do I shake and shake and shake and I can't stop. I hate knowing that people are there, and yet feeling as if no one is. I hate that I don't trust myself. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I want my mom even though I know she won't be there for me. I hate not being able to explain to everyone how I feel and not being able to make them understand. I just hate this.